thefrogman.me

“I’m big boned.”

“Me too!”

(via catroulette)

“Man, I got really wasted last night. If I could remember what happened, I’m sure I’d regret it.”

“Yikes. Did you wake up next to a guy you didn’t know again?”

“No I didn’t wake up next to a guy.”

“Oh, well that’s good.”

“Its race does not have the same concept of gender that we do.”

“Oh. I see……..wait…what?”

“Jenkins, we are going to need one hell of a spectacle to impress the world with.”

“Yes sir. I’ll recruit the finest Canadian designers and get started right away.”

“Tell them I want something classy.”

“You mean like giant beavers?”

“Exactly!”

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I like to shave my pubic hare and keep him nice and trimmed. It makes his ears look bigger.

I agree that I disagree with agreeing to agree to choose which agree I would agree to choosing.

“Master! I have the ball! I’m coming. Here I come. I’ll be there shortly. Any second now. I have short legs. They reduce my top speed. But do not fear master, I am almost there. Just a few more seconds. Okay, master…here is your ball. I got it as fast as I could. I’m so sorry I could not get it here faster. Like I said, I am not the fastest dog. But your ball has been returned to you safe and sound…and that is all that matters. Whew. I am so tired and out of breath.”

*hooman takes ball and throws it*

“What the fuck, man!!??”

(via ladeemadonna)

“Okay Harold, smile!”

“Honey, why do you have that giant flash on the camera? It’s day time. You don’t need it.”

“I don’t know how to take it off.”

“Fine, but that thing is brighter than the sun. I’m putting on my sunglasses.”

“Oh hush. It’s fine. A camera flash never hurt anyone.”

This amused me more than I expected.

“Attack!!!!!!!!!!

Hmm. You win this time…giant pillow thing.”

(via abakkus posted by yerawizardharry)

Clippy Dragon’s faithful sidekick…Clippy Dog.

I wonder what Jeeves has to say about this. I should ask him.

“Hey, whatcha doin’ down there? You should come up here. It’s cool up here. I’ve got string and some nip. It’s turning into a real party. No? Okay, well you’re welcome to come up here if you change your mind. This string will blow your mind man. It’s blue. You don’t come across blue string everyday. Okay, well…I’m gonna head back now. Peace out dude.”

(via divination)

Do you ever get the feeling you’re being watched?

(via kidskidskids)

*in a high pitched yet gravelly voice*

“Am I too young to be a chain smoker? Probably. But life’s been rough for me. I joined a big wheel gang when I was 2. They got me into all sorts of mischief. We used to sell candy behind the Preschool. The good stuff too…not that fun size crap. I got my first Hello Kitty tattoo around then. Right above my ass crack. But I gave all that up and got myself clean. The mini-thug life was too hard and I couldn’t take the fear of getting pinched by the fuzz. I stopped the heavy candy use, though the butts are harder to kick, ya know? Hey, who wants to live forever?”