thefrogman.me

Frogspring [forgot what number I’m on]: Cat washing tips

I want to be your frond.

I wasn’t sure what a frond was, so I looked it up. Apparently it is a leaf. If that is the case, you can be my leaf, but I’m pretty bad about watering stuff. You might be asking for me to basically kill you via neglect. If you’re cool with that, frond away!

Your blog has just made my day! You post great stuff, thank you!

You’re welcome! I’m so glad. Unfortunately I have decided to shut down my blog and take up cat curling. I saw this picture and instantly knew I was destined to curl cats.

So does anyone know where I can buy cats and rocks? Preferably the same place, I’d rather not take two trips.

How do you give a cat a bath?

You’re going to need a monkey and a sink. The rest works itself out.

Do you have a wallpaper edition of the lightning cat frogshop? It’s so great! :) I’LL SHOW U BOOBS, BUT PREPARE TO BE UNIMPRESSED.

Boobs are a great motivator, so I have made not one but TWO wallpapers of lightning cat. Here and here. Also, I find your lack of faith in my admiration of boobs disturbing. A true boob lover such as myself loves all boobs of all sizes and shapes. I think you’ll be impressed by how not unimpressed I am.

Remember…

boobs@thefrogman.me 

I sent you a boobs+kittie email a long time ago and you never publish it :(

boobs@thefrogman.me is not for public consumption. This is strictly for my own personal boob and kitten viewing purposes. If you want to submit boobs and kittens for all to see, I would suggest mailing my other address…

TittiesAndKittiesForTheFolks@thefrogman.me

If i want to reply to a post, do I really need to scroll forever through my dashboard to find it?

Well, yes. But maybe no. If you can remember a few key words unique to the post you want to reply to, you can use the tumblr search box on the top right and stick those words in. If you’re lucky, the post you are looking for will pop up pretty soon in your search results. I’ve been hoping that tumblr would implement a feature that allows you to view certain people in the dashboard view. Say you just want to see what one person is up to, or maybe just 3 or 4. We all have our favorite tumblrs that we want to make sure we don’t miss any posts of, and this would help a great deal. It would also allow us to follow more people. When we have more time to check out the dash, we can turn on the faucet and take in everything, when we are rushed, we can just check our favorites dash. I’ve heard a few people mention wanting something like this before, so I hope it is on tumblr’s to do list.

Frogspring 26: Am I too old?

You’re a graphic designer?? NO WAY! Do you actually make money off of that? I’ve taken graphic design for 3 years so far in highschool but never considered it as a career since I assumed it’d be hard getting a job.

It’s hard getting a job in a lot of careers, but you should never settle. If you are truly passionate about graphic design, and you feel that is what you were meant to do, then that is the career you should pursue. There are lots of ways to make money at it. Personally, I take the odd freelance gig here and there. It’s all I can handle due to my health situation. But if you get into web design, learn your html, your CSS, your PHP, javascript, AJAX, and maybe some Flash…you shouldn’t have too much trouble finding work. The internet is always growing, and a lot if it is ugly. So I guess what I’m saying is that if you put in the hard work, learn your shit, and follow your passion…you should be fine. 

Aren’t you a bit old to be living with your mother?

Aren’t you a little short for a Stormtrooper? You probably shouldn’t make judgments like these unless you know all the facts. You might end up insulting someone! And we don’t want that. If life had gone according to plan, right now I’d be gallivanting across the country trying to make it as a stand-up comedian. But the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray. 10 years ago I got very sick. My illness got worse and worse and as it progressed I was no longer able to live on my own. Thankfully since I have the greatest parents in the world, they let me move back in and helped to take care of me. I have a pretty nice setup here. I get the whole basement to myself. It’s fixed up, has a kitchen, a bathroom with a shower, office space, a living area, and of course a bedroom. It’s pretty much an apartment under my parents’ house. So yes I am 28 and I live in my parents’ basement. But no, I’m not too old. I’m lucky.  

Frogspring 25: MOAR ANSWERS!

i have an art history midterm coming up. The Renaissance to be exact. Can you make something epic with Renaissance art? Something that surpasses what those masters have done? I believe it would help me throughout my Art History quest! :D thank you!

I have picked out the painting I want to make epic. Hopefully I can get to it before the midterm. I think if I can pull it off, it will be pretty nifty.

What’s your lj url? :)

Looks like someone fell for my April Fool’s prank. I am not shutting down my tumblr to move to livejournal. However, I am considering writing Snakes on a Plane Fanfiction.

Hey, you should really click on this link. It’s awesome! http://thefrogman.me/kitties

Hey frogs! You haven’t spoken to me in ages! So what’s the deal with the human you? I remember you said something about chronic fatigue disorder/syndrome/medical condition thing? Or am I mixing you up with another frog?

Nope. That’s me. It’s a rough illness to have. I have to conserve every scrap of energy I can. I blog and photoshop from my bed. I haven’t left my house much in the last 5 years. It gets pretty lonely, but I’m very grateful for all of the amazing people I’ve met on tumblr. I don’t know how I would go on without them. If you want to read more about my fatigue, feel free to read this post I did about it. 

http://thefrogman.me/private/341451498/tumblr_kwgnzlQIoB1qzrlhg

can i have a puppy?

Yes, absolutely. But I get to choose which one. 

http://is.gd/bm95a

You’ll love it and you’ll feed it and you’ll pet it and I don’t want to hear any whining about it being the spawn of Satan. GOT IT?

Why are you so funny, cute, lovable and have a heart of gold coins? What is your secret? I am honored to have met you.. Stay sweet xo [name redacted cuz I’m not sure if she wanted this posted publicly or not]

I’m funny due to being from outer space. I’m cute because I have an epic beard, and chicks dig beards. I’m lovable because I have a big tummy and it is extremely comfortable to snuggle up to. The gold coins in the heart was a mistake. I thought it would be a safe place to put them as a rainy day fund, but apparently they have intermingled with my heart tissue and I will die if I try to extract them. My secret is that…hey…you almost got me to reveal my secret. Nice try bucko! I’m honored to have met you as well. I will do everything in my power to stay sweeter than a batch of high fructose corn syrup. A big double xo to you my dear. May the cheese nunchuck battle begin!

Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk? XD

Ah, the famous riddle from Alice in Wonderland. Lewis Carroll did provide an answer to this back in the day, but it was more in jest than anything. I think the truth of the matter is that he wanted the riddle to have no answer. He wanted people to explore the idea that it’s the journey of trying to figure out the answer that is more important than the answer itself. 

If I were to guess, I’d say it’s because the desk is made out of raven bones. 

Frogspring 20: Unholy shit.

What does “GPOYW” mean?

Giraffes pee on your windows.
Gravy pisses off young women.
Gravity pulls on your wang.
Girthy penises on yellow wombats.
Guilty pumpkins owe you wages.
Gratuatous picture of yourself Wednesday.

It’s one of those. Choose wisely. 

lovelymorphine writes…
You’re my favorite follower :)

Awwwwwwwww x hellajillion. I certainly would not kick you out of the top of my bunk bed now. Maybe someday soon we can trade it for a race car bed. We can wear spider-man footy pajamas and take lots of naps. Thank you for your kind words. I will save them in a jar and open them whenever I’m feeling down. 

If you bless your crapper will you have “Holy Shit”?

Nooo. You would have to bless the shit. Only the shit’s vessel to the poop afterlife is blessed, the shit must face judgment on it’s own. 

You said in one of your posts that your female follows on tumblr are ‘too attractive’ any links?

My female followers are all quite beautiful, smart, and very funny. I’m afraid I don’t feel comfortable pointing them out so you can perv on them. They are ladies and deserve to be treated as such.

why are you so cool?

My dad won’t let me fiddle with the thermostat. 

fizzj writes…
Mr Frogman, cool-ass blog. I congratulate you. Follow mine if you like to look at your posts over and over again.

Thank you. You have been followed. You must tell me interesting things about Dubai though. 

Before you were thefrogman, were you thetadpoleboy?

I was indeed. 

My baby pictures. 

yo fool, why is your tumblr icon upside-downnn?

It’s so if you see it in your rear view mirror, it is right side up. 

Frogspring 19: Better late than never

Do you think the guy at the rubbish tip has a bin in his office?

I bet you are British. Here we say landfill and trash can. But that is an interesting question. I’m guessing if he threw a half eaten burrito out his window, no one would notice. Another good question is…can you litter at a landfill? I think we need the philosoraptor to weigh in on this.

Beltane asks…
The meaning of life, the universe and everything is 42. What is its opposite number or the meaning of death the void and nothing?

One of Superman’s fiercest enemies, Darkseid, has been looking for that number for quite some time.

He calls it the “Anti-life equation.” It would allow him to void the universe and recreate it how he sees fit. I am the keeper of this equation and have sworn an oath to keep it a secret. But I’ll give you a hint…

guitarmanjb writes…
Not really a question, but I thought you’d appreciate this photo I shopped.

I’m going to make him an otter he can’t refuse.

If Apple comes out with a bigger ipad will they call it the maxi?

Yikes. I forgive you for this joke.

mr frogman, you are awesome :D do you design graphics, for other people? :) oh and, i thought you’d enjoy this cake. -gives you the cake. :3

First, yum. Caaaaake.

Second, I do design graphics for other people. Feel free to read the following about hiring me and e-mail me if you are still interested.

HIRE ME!

Frogspring 18: Magic Muffins

Anonymous and forgetful writes…
Frogman! I can’t remember the password to my gmail! I wanted to email you and ask how you were doing and whatnot but I can’t… I will when I crack the password!

Okay…person! These kinds of messages really suffer when they are anonymous. Maybe I can help you with some password suggestions.

• monkeyboobs
• 12345
• wombatjuice
• cactushump
• midgettossing
• password
• f;kaj93r24nk43859fqwfkj0421g

Give those a try!

ThatGuyChad writes…
So, I run FuckYeahJerseyShore, and just wanted to say that you blew all of the other Snookieshop’s out of the water. So, so good. -FYJS

Hey thanks! Don’t tell anyone, but I reused a joke about bacon and just replaced the bacon with Snooki. That will be our little secret.

I’m an avid follower of your blog, maybe I missed the explanation at some point in the past, but… why frogman? Where did the name come from?

This is what links were made for! All will be revealed if you click this…

MONKEYBOOBS!

Can we go hioop-corn hunting together it would be awesome. ill stroke you and feed you flys by the lakes edge :)

I assume you mean the rare hippopotacorn as depicted in the tshirt.

If you are an attractive female then you may stroke me all you wish, otherwise I’d rather just stick to high fives, firm handshakes, and terrorist fist bumps.

Hey Froggie, How is it you rock so hard? Are you on some kind of performance enhancing muffins?

Actually…I am!

Frogspring 17: The KoalaMan

I love you alot. I know that’s not a question and I apologize for this. But I do.

Aww. Well I love you too. I love all my followers in fact. Especially Alan Harris. He and I plan on being the first 2 straight men to marry each other. The anti-gay marriage folks are fine with straight marriage…so we are going to throw them a curve ball. They won’t be expecting two boob lovers to tie the knot. I’m just hoping Alan will wear the dress.

Who framed Jack Bauer on TV’s 24? SCREW RUPERT MURDOCH!

Which time? I’m pretty sure Jack has been framed 8 or 9 times by now. I think his daughter was kidnapped 12 times…once by a puma. He’s bitten off a terrorist’s ear, cut off a guy’s head, and he can travel from one side of LA to the other in about 2 commercial breaks. All reasons why I love 24.

As far as Rupert Murdoch goes…he’ll be dead soon. I’m pretty sure he is in his late hundreds.

Will you follow me?

Sure I will! Who are you?

Help! How do I get people (or any form of living creature) to follow me?

I’ll make you a deal. You write your best pitch of why people should follow you, and I’ll post it on my blog. Whether they follow you is up to them. How does that sound? Also, it helps if you tell me who you are.

I dont get it why a frog?

Because The KoalaMan didn’t seem macho enough. This might clear up the confusion. http://thefrogman.me/post/238294097/frogspring-1st-edition

Do you like coffee?

This is going to shock some of you, but I’ve never had coffee before. ARE YOU SHOCKED?? I used to “do the Dew” back in high school when the first throes of my fatigue were kicking in. To combat the tiredness I would drink maybe 10 Mountain Dews per day. Then that wasn’t enough. So I kicked it up a notch. I discovered this drink called Jolt Cola. I started pounding those, but it was still not enough to negate my sleepiness. And then I did something somewhat stupid. I started taking caffeine pills. They helped for a while, but I remember the day I realized I had taken things too far. It was the morning of my ACTs and I was super tired. I wanted to do well on the test so I took twice as many caffeine pills as I normally would. The whole test I was just dizzy out of my mind and couldn’t concentrate at all. After that day I pretty much swore off caffeine all together. At that point, I hadn’t tried coffee yet…and since I don’t drink caffeine anymore, I haven’t felt the urge to try it since.

What’s the story of your life so far?

I was born in a small pond in the north south section of Missouri. Me and my 200 brothers and sisters were orphaned when a deadly beaver killed our parents. We were tadpoles on our own in a strange pond. I didn’t think we were going to make it until we befriended a large mouth bass named Willy. Willy took us in and showed us the ropes. Where all the best tadpole food was…how to avoid suspicious dangling worms…things like that. Then one day I started to grow appendages and it was time to leave the swamp. Once my feet hit land I had only one goal in mind. I was going to assassinate that beaver that killed my parents. But how? I was just a little frog, no match for a beaver. Thankfully Missouri’s lax gun control policy allowed me to purchase a high powered rifle at Wal-Mart. I was armed and ready to hunt me some beaver, but which one? Beavers tend to look the same. Luckily there is one hazy detail I remembered about this murderous beaver that would help me in my search for revenge. This beaver had six claws on his left hand. I searched the wilderness of Missouri high and low until one day I found this homicidal beaver. I hopped right before him and said, “Hello, my name is The Frogman. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” The beaver then saw me brandish my rifle and with a tear in his eye he begged for his life. My heart then filled with mercy and I realized that my quest for vengeance was not the way. This beaver may have killed my parents, but killing him would make me no better than the evil I sought to extinguish. Unfortunately, I had left the safety off and accidentally shot the beaver in the face. A sort of accidental vengeance. I’m not sure how I feel about the events of that day, but I do know that I am now qualified to be the Vice President.