thefrogman.me

Your Froggielarity is platypus venom. Delivered from the foot of an angry platypus, this venom is able to kill small creatures and has a paralyzing effect on larger ones. Feel free to use your platypus venom to help you steal the sperm of any man you desire. Then you can freeze it and impregnate yourself at a later date. You’re probably saying “WTF Froggie?” Allow me to explain. To acquire the desired sperm you will need the following things…

1. platypus venom (which you already have)
2. An electroejaculation device
3. A sealable container
4. A cooler for of dry ice

Okay, now that we have the items we need, it is time to plan the caper. Obviously we want some high quality sperm. A celebrity or athlete would be a fine choice. For this hypothetical we are going to select the dreamy George Clooney. Now if he will not consent to giving you his sperm voluntarily, we will have remove it the hard way.

First we must get him alone somewhere. A hotel room is fine. He checks in under the alias “The Situation.” Pose as a maid and sneak into his room. When his back is turned, inject him with your platypus venom. He will soon fall to the floor, unable to move. Next we need to implement the electroejaculation device. This is a phallic electric probe that you must insert in to his rectum. You then begin to give his prostate mild electric shocks forcing him to involuntarily splooge. Make sure you are ready with the container to collect your sample. Splooging is a little unpredictable, so please make sure you have the container placed entirely around the shaft to avoid any wild misfires escaping. When he’s done, remove the probe, seal the container, place it firmly in the dry ice, and take it to your nearest sperm storage facility until you are ready to have the bastard child of George Clooney.

Oh mighty Speak and Spell…give us the Froggielarity!

Okay, this is a weird one. Your Froggielarity is hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia. This is of course, the fear of long words. Because your Froggielarity is so frightened of long words, you must make sure you never blog a word over 5 characters. If you do, your Froggielarity ranking will plummet and you will lose all of your followers. So…good luck with that!

Ah…you have discovered the secret of Froggielarity. By inserting your boobs into the ask page, you receive the perfect score of bacon. Only one other person has received this score. You should be proud of your accomplishment(s).

*lightly fondles*

You can read what Froggielarity is here. By posting that link, I will probably gain 30 more requests for Froggielarity beyond the 30 I have already. So I should be done with everyone in early 2034.

As for your Froggielarity, let me punch up the info on the Speak and Spell. Okay, here it comes. It says that your Froggielarity is a dodecahedron. That is a geometric shape with 12 flat faces. You will be the envy of all the math nerds. You can use this to your advantage to make them fix your computer and hook up any electronics you may acquire.

Actually, that is the Mexican spelling of Froggielarity…or El Frogglarity as they say. Keeping with the Mexican theme, your score has turned out to be a lemon in a sombrero. That is a fantastic score! Good job.

Well, considering you are one of the most powerful blogs on tumblr, I would have expected your results to be a little higher. You scored bucket of worms. Now people like to discount worms because of their creepy crawly nature, but worms are actually pretty cool. Let’s say you have 1 worm and he seems lonely. Well, just chop that bitch in half and he has a brother! I tried that with my goldfish and I did not have the same results. So take pride in your worms and treat them well. Or go fishing. Whichever.