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On a police story

alanharris:

I took a drag off of my cigarette and flicked the rest off the bridge.

“It’s fucked up out there, Tommy,” I said, “grisly murders, horrifying rapes, pregnant women brutally beaten beyond recognition… it’s sick and I don’t know how much more I can take. I’ve been on the job for 10 years and I see more dead bodies in one night than I see my wife all week.”

“Who are you, mister?” Tommy asked, ”where’s my mommy?”

Later that night as I drank the last of my Jack Daniel’s I asked my wife if we had a child. When no one answered I remembered that I don’t even have a wife.

“Where did that kid come from?” I wondered.

The most inappropriate joke I’ve ever come up with

I’ll have to admit, this joke is a little more blue than I usually do. I’m by no means a clean comedian, but this joke is only for the strong at heart. I dare not put it on the dash, so if you are sensitive to vile disgusting humor, do NOT hit the “read more” button. Here goes.

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