The Frogman

text

Dear Yahoo,

First, I would like to welcome you to this wonderful tumblr community. Most of us just sign up for free, but I guess paying a billion dollars works too.

A lot of us are apprehensive about your presence in our space. I’m afraid we don’t like change very much. Whenever something big happens, we curse the gods and make graphics and gifs displaying our dislike of said change.

image

This will pass in a few weeks once we start arguing over a Sherlock/Supernatural slashfic. 

We are aware of some mistakes you’ve made in the past. You changed the spirit of flickr to the dislike of many. You bought geocities and shut it down. Because of that, I don’t have access to my supercool Golden Girls fanfiction site. There was one story in which they were all lesbians and they ended up having simultaneous intercourse with an octopus which was easily facilitated due to it having eight tentacles. This tome of inter-species romance was surrounded by some amazing unicorn glitter gifs and a midi file playing Barry Whites’ Can’t Get Enough of Your Love, Babe.

But that’s gone now.

And for a long time I blamed you.

I don’t think you are a sign of bad tidings though. You have your strengths. My dad is very fond of your search engine. He is always successful at finding recipes on how to grill various meats. I think he researched a riding lawn mower using your well indexed results. Sometimes you put videos of dogs doing funny things on your front page and it makes him giggle. If you can do all that for my beloved father, then maybe you can be a positive force in this tumblr community that I love. 

A few tips:

Enjoy Doctor Who, but avoid talking about the whole Moffat thing. You’ll just get into fights and become sad. 

Everything is better with a cat gif. Be sure to save a bunch to a reaction folder on your hard drive. Since you have a a decent amount of funds, you might even consider opening a cat gif division of Yahoo. Buy sixty cats, put them in a room with a bunch of boxes, film them, make gifs… profit. 

image

Tag your spoilers. Seriously. 

When you put images in a text post, make sure not to do the ones that end up looking like polaroids. 

image

And my final tip. Remember that first and foremost, tumblr is a community. Respect that community and you will do fine. 

Regards,

The Frogman

1 year ago

May 20, 2013
Comments (View)  
blog comments powered by Disqus