April 20th. 4/20. Hitler’s birthday.
The day we celebrate the psychoactive cannabis plant.
That would look good with some Christmas lights.
I’ve never smoked pot. I’ve never had alcohol. The idea of being intoxicated has always been unappealing to me. I know others enjoy it and some even make it a lifestyle. To each their own and whatnot.
Cannabis was indigenous to Asia in the beginning. Some 5000 years ago, folks in Romania figured out that if you set it on fire, the fumes would alter your perceptions and give you the munchies. Unfortunately at that time, the nearest Chinese takeout was 4000 miles away.
After that, many cultures began to use it in rituals, as medicines, and even a gay old time. It was the Bronze Age and the beginning of the Pot Era.
The key to intoxication is the THC. Tetra hydro cannon ball. Turtle hyper-cannibal. Turkey harpo can of balls. *checks wikipedia* Tetrahydrocannabinol. Scientists believe the psychoactive properties of THC are a defense mechanism for the cannabis plant. A herbivore takes a little bite, trips balls, and decides to eat other plants in the future. I imagine eucalyptus had the same idea, but didn’t count on koalas being major stoners.
Many believe that the high from marijuana can inspire them artistically. They unearthed some pipes from William Shakespeare’s residence in Stratford. They contained traces of cannabis. I’m guessing that has something to do with A Midsummer Night’s Dream. What many fail to realize, is that you must already be talented before you can take advantage of any inspirational effects. If you are untalented, you are more likely to accidentally pee on the cat.
Marijuana shouldn’t be illegal. For one, making it illegal does nothing to deter the smoking of it and it gives criminals a major source of income. Secondly, it’s hypocritical. Alcohol and cigarettes have far more negative effects and yet they are legal. And three, cannabis was most likely made illegal because of greed and not public safety.
In 1937, they passed the Marijuana Transfer Tax Act. This prohibited the production and distribution of cannabis and hemp. People were finding out that hemp could cheaply be made into anything. Clothes, rope, tacos, cellular phones, magnets, furniture, and most importantly… paper.
You see, this guy named Andrew Mellon had a ton of money invested in the timber industry. The timber industry made lots of paper pulp for newspapers. It was very lucrative. Then some guy invented a thingie that could turn hemp into paper at a much lower cost. A decoraterater. A decoripotater. This thing.
Mellon started freaking out. Luckily for him, he was the Secretary of Treasury and the wealthiest man in America. Meaning he had the power to push this “tax act” through and essentially destroy the hemp industry. I feel he should be listed in history books under the “Douche Nugget” section. Next to Napoleon and Aaron Burr.
The debate continues. The stoners get stoned and the parents try to act like they’ve never tried it. I don’t condone the smoking of pot. I’ve seen it make people stupid and unmotivated. But in moderation, it’s really not a huge deal. There has been no recorded case of anyone overdosing on marijuana. Though many have tried. Any side effects caused are usually reversible if you stop smoking. It can help cancer patients tolerate life. It can clear up the eyes of those 20 somethings that have been ravaged by this recent youth-glaucoma epidemic. I’d say that the teenagers should wait. You have plenty of time to get stoned. If you get caught with it, you could get into trouble. It could affect college admissions, getting a job, and your studies in school. And if you get caught with just a tad too much of it… that’s intent to sell. One mistake could derail your future. So be careful. *teenagers roll eyes*
And so the lesson ends. I hope all of you enjoy your 420 day. May it be filled with weed, pretzels, and cartoons.
