On exciting phone conversations!
“Hello, Service Canada general inquiries, I’m Susanne. How may I help you?” She said.
“Hi there!” I replied, “I really liked the piano music you played for me while I was on hold.”
“Well thank you, sir. How may I address your inquiry?” She asked, again.
“Do you think the world will end with a big earthquake or a giant asteroid?” I inquired.
“… Sir, that sort of question is best left to be answered by someone other than the government of Canada. Do you have any inquiries regarding any of the branches of Service Canada?”
“Well, I’m unemployed and lonely. I just thought it would be nice to talk to someone other than the garbage man.”
“I can forward you to the Employment section of Service Canada if you’d like.” She said with a tone of worry.
“Okay! Could you play your piano music for me? I liked that piano music. It reminds me of when I took piano lessons when I was ten! I was kicked out of piano lessons, though, because I kept touching myself. … Hello?”
“Do you think maybe the Russians took over the government and that’s why they hung up on me?” I asked the garbage man.
“I don’t know. Would you fuck off?” He said back, obviously kidding because we’re best friends.
I <5 Alan Harris. Crap. I >3 Alan Harris. Dammit! I <>@#$* Alan Harris. Man, that wasn’t even close. I [less than sign] [the number three] Alan Harris.