circus-of-fancies writes...
Your Froggielarity is platypus venom. Delivered from the foot of an angry platypus, this venom is able to kill small creatures and has a paralyzing effect on larger ones. Feel free to use your platypus venom to help you steal the sperm of any man you desire. Then you can freeze it and impregnate yourself at a later date. You’re probably saying “WTF Froggie?” Allow me to explain. To acquire the desired sperm you will need the following things…
- platypus venom (which you already have)
- An electroejaculation device
- A sealable container
- A cooler for of dry ice
Okay, now that we have the items we need, it is time to plan the caper. Obviously we want some high quality sperm. A celebrity or athlete would be a fine choice. For this hypothetical we are going to select the dreamy George Clooney. Now if he will not consent to giving you his sperm voluntarily, we will have remove it the hard way.
First we must get him alone somewhere. A hotel room is fine. He checks in under the alias “The Situation.” Pose as a maid and sneak into his room. When his back is turned, inject him with your platypus venom. He will soon fall to the floor, unable to move. Next we need to implement the electroejaculation device. This is a phallic electric probe that you must insert in to his rectum. You then begin to give his prostate mild electric shocks forcing him to involuntarily splooge. Make sure you are ready with the container to collect your sample. Splooging is a little unpredictable, so please make sure you have the container placed entirely around the shaft to avoid any wild misfires escaping. When he’s done, remove the probe, seal the container, place it firmly in the dry ice, and take it to your nearest sperm storage facility until you are ready to have the bastard child of George Clooney.
