Dear PETA,
I’m really sorry that KFC is torturing chickens. It seems to me that they could just kill the chickens the way my grandparents used to. Chop off their heads and let them run around for a bit. It’s quick, painless, and somewhat humorous. But I’d like to talk to you about your priorities. You seem to focus on just the cute animals. If something furry is getting an electric probe up the butt, or a puppy is getting some mascara…you seem to be right there screaming injustice. But there are other animals in much more dire need of your protection. Other animals that aren’t quite as cute, but they still deserve a fair shake at life. Above is the Helmeted Hornbill of Southeast Asia. This is pretty much the ugliest bird known to man. Beyond that, it has one of the most annoying calls of all the animal kingdom. Wikipedia describes it as “Loud hoots followed by maniacal laughter.” The problem is, that crazy fucked up bill thing it has, is made up of pure keratin. This means it is basically reddish-orange ivory. It has been deemed quite valuable and even though the sale of hornbill ivory is illegal, people are still hunting these ugly, ugly, horrible looking monstrosities to extinction. But PETA, you are nowhere to be found. You are fighting to save chickens, which we have millions of. You are getting hot celebrities to pose nude saying, “I’d rather go naked than wear fur.” And I love that. In fact, do that more often. With Christina Hendricks. That would be super. But maybe change it to, “I’d rather go naked than get a Hornbill Ivory necklace.” Mix it up. Save a few ugly weirdass crazy looking creatures. Save the Hornbills!
Sincerely,
Froggie
