Frogspring 13: The longest Frogspring in the history of time and space!
A duck enthusiast writes…
Of course, I should have requested this earlier but I’m afraid some duck poetry is in order. Riding horses this time! And with a happy ending! I guess I like ducks.
Leroy the Duck Jockey
by Froggie Von Froggerson
(Audio version below)
Now I’ve seen all kinds of jockeys in my time
But there is one in particular that sticks in my mind
For this was no ordinary rider of a horse
I speak of Leroy the Duck Jockey, of course
He was a fierce rider and light as a feather
He would ride fearlessly…rain, shine, or any kind of weather
Now Leroy the Duck was undefeated for a span
That is until Harold the Badger spoiled his plan
Harold rode dirty, bumping and kicking as the horses rode round
And with a forceful push, Harold knocked Leroy to the ground
Leroy lost that day, but he did not admit defeat
He vowed revenge when the two next would meet
The day was near, Leroy prepared for this badger’s worst
He had practiced weeks on end and had memorized this course
He held on tight, prepared for any shove
He and his horse Daisy fit like a glove
The gun fired off and they sped off like thunder
Harold the Badger aimed to take Leroy down under
The final lap came and they were neck and neck
Harold tried to bump Leroy, but could only manage a peck
Head to head and tail to tail
Leroy spurred his horse, he could not fail
Harold grew angry and kicked with all his might
It broke Leroy’s wing, but he shook it off with the end in sight
The horses galloped, panting heavily with every stride
As if they knew the meaning of this fateful ride
Closer and closer the finish came
Victory was in their eyes, with all its glory and fame
The badger made a last attempt to throw this bird from his saddle
But instead he lost his balance ending his chances to win this battle
The mighty duck jockey crossed the line, broken wing and all
The badger laid on the ground, devastated from his fall
For today good has triumphed and evil lay in the muck
Today is victory, for the honorable Leroy the Duck.
A letter “Z” enthusiast writes…
frogman I did not know you had a formspring!!! :D btw HATE THE GREMLIN ON YOUR PAGE!!! how am I meant to catch up on your amazing posts when Im being stared at by pure evil!!?!? BAHHHHHH I also think its tres cute that your mum is on here! and I love your photoshop skillz! MADRAD SKILLZ and ting. ok I’ll shut up now! LATERZ
Wow. I’ve never seen ADD in written form before. That was awesome. Let’s see if I can break this down.
frogman I did not know you had a formspring!!!
Yes, I do have a formspring, but I have cleverly named it “Frogspring.” Get it? Every Monday I will post a cool new graphic like so…
Then I request that all my lovely followers click it and ask me questions. I’ll stare at my inbox for awhile and watch as no one asks me any questions. I’ll get frustrated and threaten them in some manner. Then a few people will ask me questions and on Friday Saturday I will post my wit filled responses in which no one will read.
btw HATE THE GREMLIN ON YOUR PAGE!!!
You don’t like this gremlin?
Well the gremlin isn’t fond of you either. But that’s okay because he’s a gremlin and that’s kind of his job. If he bothers you too much, I suggest putting a little piece of tape over where he is on your screen. Don’t use scotch tape, cuz then he’ll just be evilly staring at you while slightly blurry.
I also think its tres cute that your mum is on here!
Yeah, my mom is the best. When I first started out this here blag, I was a little down about my tumblarity. Then she was like, “What’s that?” I explained it to her and then she said that she wanted to heart all my posts. I told her she’d have to have a tTumblr to do that. I wasn’t expecting her to say, “Okay!” So I set it up, taught her how to use it, and she hearts all my posts and reblogs her favorites. I got a little shit for my mom being on tumblr, but I love my mom…so I can take it.
I love your photoshop skillz!
Yes, knowing photoshop helps a lot. It gives me a bit of an edge over other humor blogs I think. Plus, not many people know this, but knowing Photoshop allows you to do much evil. For instance, I have a friend named Shane. I thought, “I wonder what Shane would look like as a kangaroo.” And because of the magical powers of Photoshop…wallah…the Shanegaroo!
The lovely Ms. Rex asks…
What’s your real name Froggie?
My real name? I don’t want to let you down, but I think that internet anonymity is very important in this day and age. A person’s real name is a sacred fact, and if it were to get out, all kinds of havoc could follow. I could be subject to identity theft, stalkers, internet predators, scam artists, and hackers. No, I’m afraid I cannot give you my name. I apologize for disappointing you, I really do…but it’s just not a request I can grant.
I take it back. I found your real name :D WIN
SON OF A BITCH!
Well, I guess the frog’s out of the bag. My real name is Ben Grelle. My last name rhymes with belly and I like it when the ladies call me Benjamin.
So I am pretty sure I have been naughty this year. If you were to give me a gift what would it be and why?
Well, I suppose that depends on what kind of naughty you have been. If you have been procuring nuclear weapons and selling them to extremists, then I’d probably give you a fruit cake. Because fruit cakes are awful and should only be given to the evil.
If your naughtiness was more in the manner of, say, tearing the tags off pillows, then I would give you a gift certificate to Red Lobster. Because you deserve a hardy meal for taking it to “the man.”
And if your naughtiness involved a tight leather catsuit and a whip, then I would give you pretty much anything you wanted even if I had to sell nuclear arms to get it.
Anonymous Smith asks…
Dear Froggie Santa, Last Christmas my girlfriend gave me the clap. She said she got it from the “toilet seat”. I can’t find this store anywhere. I need to get her something really special this year. Do you have any suggestions?
First I would get her some lovely gift wrapped broad spectrum antibiotics. If she asks what they are, just say they are a third generation synthetic chemotherapeutic agent. Then her eyes will cross, her brain will freeze, and she will have forgotten her question. As for her main present, I would get her a lovely watch. After you purchase this watch, stop by your local spy gadget shop and have them install a GPS tracker. This way you can stalk her online when she is out visiting other…toilet seats.
The Jetsons or the Flinstones?
I hate to break it to you, but they are in fact the same show. I can’t chose, because there is no choice. Yes, one is in the future and one is in the past, but the plotlines, characters, shenanigans were just two sides of the same coin. If I had to choose I would go Flinstones just cuz Dino was the coolest pet dinosaur ever.
After announcing that anyone who did not ask me a question was an evil robot spy…
I am an evil robot spy.
Well you’re not supposed to come out and say it. Were you programmed by Microsoft or something? Are you running Windows Me? In any case, I have alerted the authorities. Please make sure all power cells are charged before you are taken in for questioning.
What do evil robot spies look like nowadays?
This.
Do you speak any other languages beside english and frogish? :)
I’m afraid I am one of those pesky monolinguals. I took Spanish in high school which was about as useless as assed chaps. I think I set a school record for getting a 24% in one of my Spanish classes. I had all the credits I needed to graduate and I was accepted into a college of my choosing. I figured that I could much better spend my time sleeping than learning Spanish. The only Spanish I know is “Me gusta el mono en la biblioteca” which roughly translates to “I like the monkey in the library.” And honestly, if you go to Mexico, that’s all you need to know.
(The Lemexican)
I don’t wanna be no evil robot spy. It’s a pirates life for me :]
You can’t choose to be one or the other. You are what you arrrrrrrrrr.
I’m not an evil robot spy. What is your quest?
First, that is exactly what an evil robot spy would say, so clearly you are an evil robot spy. As far as my quest…I seek the Holy Grail and sensible shoes that are comfortable yet fashionable. Oh and tTumblr domination. Because in the tumblrverse, there can be only one!
*chops off all followers’ heads*
Did you figure out your medicine drama? Xoxo
I’m afraid not. The medicine that might help relieve my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome isn’t an official treatment as of yet. Because of this, my insurance company doesn’t have to approve it. A 6 month course of treatment would cost $16,000 and there is no way that me or my family could afford that. So it looks like I have to wait until it is an approved treatment. It could take years for that to happen, but there is a small comfort knowing that there is something out there that could help me. Something that has been quantified scientifically and not just some anecdotal treatment that people on message boards said has helped.
Could you tighten my evil robot spy screws, in the back there, they’re very hard to get at…also, i love my duck poem :)
For the love of God, you just told me you’re a robot spy too. Covert espionage is supposed to be…well…covert. You all need to upgrade to Windows 7 already. Actually, you should really consider Linux. It’s very stable and fast. Sure, there aren’t any drivers for your optical circuits currently, but I have been assured that someone in Wichita that goes by the name “LinuxM3ister” is working very hard on them and should be done in 3 to 4 months…tops.
I’m glad you liked your duck poem. They are my specialty after all.
Hey frogman where does most of your inspiration come from? I love the pictures you do!
Being a comedian, no one thing can inspire you. The world around you is the inspiration. Everything you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch is potential for inspiration. You go about living your life and wait for some small moment, some random thing, to spark an idea in your head. You take that idea and ask yourself, “Can I make this funny? How can I make this funny? A picture, a poem, a paragraph?”
Now if you want to know who inspires me, then I’d have to list a plethora of people. I’ll give you the first 5 that come to mind. Steve Martin, Tina Fey, Eddie Izzard, Zach Galifianakis, and Stephen Colbert. The list could go on and on though. OH! And Monty Python! I have to list them.
Am I really the first person to ask you a question? Or have you just not answered any yet? (that’s what is says at the bottom of this page.)
Yes, you are the first person to ever ask me a question, besides those above you.
I’m just kidding of course. I choose to answer the questions I get on my blog instead of using the formspring mechanism. You can see all of my questions and answers by clicking the frogspring tag below or by clicking here.
WADAW
Umm. I don’t know what that means. I googled it. Apparently there is a Wadaw in Burma. And Burma is where Rambo fought in the last movie. Fun fact: Rambo only killed 1 person in the first movie. In the 4th movie he managed to kill 83. That’s progress!
Scene from “Rambo parte 5 : El Primero Mono Sangriento en la Biblioteca”
(English title: Rambo part 5: First Monkey Blood in the Library)
