Frogspring 9th Edition - Getting Ticked
Dear Frogman,
My girl won’t stop bugging me to get a job. What should I do?
Sincerely yours,
That Lazy Dude Down the Street
You have a few options. The easiest of which is to get a job. But if you want to put in the extra effort and stay unemployed while keeping your girlfriend happy, this is what you do.
Step 1 is to tell your girlfriend you got a job, even though you didn’t. Now in order for this ruse to work without her nagging you and asking questions, you are going to need to find some other place to be 8 hours of the day, appear to have an income, and make sure that she does not try to visit you at work.
Where do I go for 8 hours?
This is easy. Head to your closest movie theater, buy 1 ticket and you can just sneak into different movies all day.
How do I earn income without a job?
Luckily, being a male you have valuable fluids right there in your body. Donate sperm and blood for some easy coin. Sure you might end up having 40 kids you’ll never know, but hey, you also have 100 bucks! Another great source of money is medical testing. Sign up for anything you can. Chances are you won’t have any side effects, but if you grow a third arm, they can always cut that off.
How do I keep her from visiting me at work?
This is a tricky one. You must pick an occupation that she would never visit. Taxidermist’s assistant usually does the trick. If she says she might stop by, just say, “Honey, I’ve got beaver with his internal organs exposed at the moment” and she will quickly resend her offer.
Now pulling off this ruse is pretty much a job in itself and could possibly cause you to grow a third arm. So…perhaps you should just suck it up and get a real job.
The Captain of Disaster asks…
Will you please buy me Charlie Day?
I checked ebay and craigslist and he is currently not for sale. I would be willing to kidnap him and ship him to you in a crate. I’ll poke some holes in it so he doesn’t die and stuff.
Freaked out in Arkansas asks…
My creepy old neighbor lady ask me to “check her for ticks”. What should I do? I am considering moving.
I would infect her with lime disease and then when she shows symptoms say, “Man, I guess I suck at checking for ticks.” She will then find a more competent individual for the duty.
The Burning Tim asks…
Could you please make a great photoshop image of me as a centaur?
That can be arranged.
TUMBLKLAAT! asks…
If u were trapped on a deserted island and could only bring one french house track from 1998 what would it be?
That would be “Punch me in the Face” by Les Blaireaux en Colère (The Angry Badgers.) Great song with a killer beat.
