The 2008 inaugural D’Brickashaw Awards (Actual names of college football players)
I wrote this for a sports website I used to work for. The names were better, as you can see.
The Greatest First Names in the Country
Razzie Smith, CB, Boston College
Mister Alexander, CB, Florida State
Neefy Moffett, DE, Florida State
Cooter Arnold, WR, North Carolina
Ulysses Tuft, RB, NC State
Lonzie Range, WR, Iowa State
Tertavian Ingram, WR, Kansas
Darcel McBath, S, Texas Tech
Jabu Lovelace, QB, Rutgers
Mistral Raymond, DB, South Florida
Guesly Darvil, DB, West Virginia
Boogie Allen, DB, West Virginia
Selvish Capers, OL, West Virginia
Miami Thomas, DB, Illinois
Jewhan Edwards, DT, Minnesota
Knowledge Timmons, CB, Penn State
Norbie Juist, LS, Houston
Kindly Jacques, OL, Memphis
Swayze Waters, K, UAB
Brandis Dew, DL, UTEP
Spain Cosby, LB, Ball State
Fitz Bobo, WR, Miami (OH)
Senate Alexander, WR, Temple
Denmark Gibbs, LB, Western Michigan
Amadeus Waters, S, Colorado State
Jacquizz Rodgers, RB, Oregon State
Boyblue Aoelua, LB, New Mexico State
The Best Surnames in the Country
Willy Korn, QB, Clemson
Will Snyderwine, K, Duke
R.J. Dill, OL, Maryland
Jordan Futch, LB, Miami
Andy Barbee, C, NC State
Jaree Cheeseman, RB, Virginia Tech
Dustin Pickle, RB, Virginia Tech
Douglas Rippy, LB, Colorado
Stephen Ruempolhamer, DT, Iowa State
Justin Rumple, LB, Iowa State
Jonte Bumpus, DE, Oklahoma
Grayson Buster, K, Oklahoma State
Travis Buttrey, DL, West Virginia
Cody Nutter, TE, West Virginia
Arrelious Benn, WR, Illinois
Cody Stunkard, DB, Illinois
Brandon Bugg, LS, Indiana
Marvin McNutt, QB, Iowa
Trent Mossbrucker, K, Iowa
David Moosman, OL, Michigan
Kevin Pickleman, DT, Michigan State
Chris Bunders, OL, Minnesota
Ryan Ruckdashel, G, Minnesota
Mike Kafka, QB, Northwestern
Tim Weak, K, Northwestern
Ricky Weina, CB, Northwestern
Austin Spitler, LB, Ohio State
Johnnie Troutman, T, Penn State
Roberto McBean, WR, Purdue
Dustin Lineback, LB, East Carolina
Marcus Hands, DL, East Carolina
Darius Passmore, WR, Marshall (great name for a WR)
Stuart Lips, DB, Marshall
Jeremy Rockette, LB, Memphis
Will Fruitt, LB, Memphis
Will Butts, LS, Memphis
Clark Fangmeier, K, Rice
Chris Banjo, DB, SMU
Lyle Dankenbring, DB, UCF
Greg Bulls, OL, UAB
Jonathan Bulls, P, Army
Carlo Sandiego, RB, Army
Jared Wackerly, QB, Akron
Graham Whinery, OL, Buffalo
Frank Zombo, DE, Central Michigan
D.J. Pirkle, DL, N. Illinois
Josh Droppers, OL, W. Michigan
Andrew Pipes, C, Air Force
Matt Ah You, LB, BYU
T.J. Borcky, QB, Colorado State
Jon Toledo, WR, San Diego State
Brendon Lamers, P, UNLV
Bryson Studnicka, LB, Wyoming
Terry Longbons, RB, Arizona
Gerald Flunder, P, Arizona State
David Martini, CB, UCLA
Jordan White-Frisbee, G, Washington
Brandon Fanney, LB, Alabama
Duke Lemmens, DE, Florida
Darius Dewberry, LB, Georgia
Dustin Luck, G, Kentucky
Philip Pigott, RB, LSU
Dion LeCorn, WR, South Carolina
Jared Funk, QB, Vanderbilt
Adam Smotherman, DT, Vanderbilt
The Names I Will Consider if I Change My Name
Cannon Smith, QB, Miami (if that is his birth name then that is devastatingly awesome)
John Stamper, S, Wake Forest
Chantz McClinic, LB, Wake Forest
Hunter Hightower, C, Baylor
Josh Raven, LB, Iowa State
Xavier Rambo, WR, Kansas (Holy freaking hell. Are you serious?)
Stryker Sulak, DL, Missouri
Forrest Shock, WR, Missouri
Brik Brinker, WR, Texas Tech
Rock Keys, TE, Louisville
Austin Ransom, LB, Pittsburgh
Gino Crump, WR, West Virginia
Thor Merrow, DL, West Virginia
Stone Pinckney, LB, Northwestern
Jake Stoneburner, WR, Ohio State
Tank Carder, LB, TCU
Grayson Dart, CB, Utah
Thor Pili, DE, UNLV
Dax Crum, QB, Wyoming
Brock Mansion, QB, California
Skylar Stormo, TE, Washington State
Raven Gray, DE, Auburn
Foxy Foxworth, TE, South Carolina
Jaquan Kilcrease, CB, Arkansas State (Oh. My. God. Awesome.)
Dusty Mack, TE, Louisiana-Lafayette
Dwight Dasher, Middle Tennessee State
Brock Stickler, WR, North Texas
Tyler Dragon, Fresno State (……………………………….)
Steele Jantz, QB, Hawaii
Magnum Mauga, DT, Utah State
Joe King, OL, Texas Tech
Names That I Personally Would Get Changed
Brian Hummer, DB, Kent State
Ross Cumming, LB, USC
Joey Crappell, C, LSU
Chris Smelley, QB, South Carolina
Charlie Brown, DT, North Texas
Willie Packer, DL, Southern Miss
The Whimsically Fantastic
George George, DE, Virginia Tech
Tonga Tea, DT, Oklahoma State
Windham Rotunda, Troy
Lineage Award - Talmadge Jackson III, CB, Oregon
Most Likely to Be Cordially Addressed Award - SirVincent Rogers, OL, Houston and Sir DeMarco Bledsoe, S, TCU
Most Likely To become a Comedian - Dane Cook, S, Ball State
Most Undue Pressure on a Kid Award - Savier Stephens, RB, Air Force
Least Likely To Be Invited to a Halloween Party - Michael Myers, RB, Colorado State
Most Pious Team Award - TCU (CB Rafael Priest, K Jake Pray, WR Ryan Christian)
Most Likely To Always Have Their First Names Read in Full During Roll Call - Michael Hunt, RB, Ball State and Michael Hunt, LB, Mississippi State
Biggest Brown-Noser - Ryan Succop, K, South Carolina
Most Likely to Offend a Dyslexic Reader - Forrest Rucker, WR, North Texas
and finally…
The Best of the Best in College Football
Bearthur Johnson, OL, Maryland (His first name is one of the Golden Girls. That is amazing)
Penisini Liu, OL, Kansas State (I don’t know that any explanation is needed)
Zaire Kitchen, DB, Rutgers (A thousand times yes)
Prince Moody, DB, Wisconsin (An evil Disney character?)
Chubb Small, RB, Marshall (Yep. That JUST happened)
Tommy Mama, DB, Central Michigan (I bet no one has ever commented on that one)
Grant Crunkleton, CB, Arizona State (That name fills me with child-like wonderment)
Captain Munnerlyn, CB, South Carolina (I wonder if he goes by ‘Cappy’ or ‘Cap’m’ for short)
Tim Fugger, DE, Vanderbilt (Be careful with that one)
Cordarious Mingo, CB, Akansas State (There are no words)
This list is amazing, no doubt. But as was the case with D’Brickashaw, one name stood out amongst the crowd. Without further ado, I give you the first annual D’Brickashaw Ferguson Name of the Year Award winner:
Yourhighness Morgan, LB, Florida Atlantic (When I saw this I had 12 simultaneous heart attacks. That name is simply unbeatable. Next year’s entrants have quite a bar set for them)
And there you have it. The absolute best names in all of college football. This took me about two weeks to compile, so I really hope you enjoyed it.
